Safe Communication...Turning Conflict Into Connection

Safe Communication is a set of relational tools that help couples, groups and  individuals to  communicate successfully, it has the ability to transform conflict into connection.

Aspects Of Safe Communication Include....

Listening reflectively without judgement

Talking without being critical or judgemental

Being genuinely curious  about the other person's point of view (especially when it is different to our own)

Taking turns to be the listener then the talker

Being  aware of our internal reactions to others

Taking responsibility for our feelings thoughts  and behaviour

Why Is The Structure Of Safe Communication So Effective?

One of the main advantages of using Safe Communication is that it helps us to be present to the other person, this is necessary for the other person to feel really seen and heard.

When we are listening to another person and they are talking about how they feel, they are in  a right brain activity..its important to acknowledge the person's feelings with statements like "I can see that you feel angry" (or whatever you perceive the feeling to be)

We often make the mistake of listening to someone who is upset..and  immediately start giving them advice or solutions to their issue, solutions are a predominantly left brain activity..if you jump straight into giving advice the person you are listening to may feel irritated or dismissed.

This is one of the main complaints of couples, one partner starts talking about how they feel and the other partner starts offering advice..more often than not the one talking just wants to be heard and acknowledged..Problem solving becomes easier when we feel really heard and acknowledged.



Safe Communication helps us to stay in our higher brain area {brain state 1 and 2 neocortex}. In brain states 1 and 2 we have access to our logical reasoning abilities, we have positive feelings and are  connected to the present, and connected to our inner resources.

Using Safe Communication also helps us to train our own emotional brain.The emotional brain (brain states 3-5)  is a storehouse of emotional memory and reactivity, it is these lower brain areas that cause most of the problems in our interactions with others. When we are in  brain states 3-5 we become reactive instead of responsive.



Why Do We Need Safe Communication?

When we use the structure of Safe Communication it makes it  easier to understand the other person's perspective, even though we may have a very different point of view.

We can use our higher brain to calm the reactivity of the  lower brain. The higher brain stores the knowledge, wisdom and practicality needed to solve problems and forge good communication with ourselves and others.

Safe Communication Turns Off The Stress Response From The Lower Brain

When the emotional brain is triggered our brain state descends,  we then  find ourselves in brain states 3 and below and  we lose access to our innate  wisdom  and resources.

Being able to recognise which brain state we are in is a key skill to learn, Safe Communication helps us to not only recognise which brain state we are in, it also gives us the tools we need to change it if we need to.


Safe Communication helps us communicate in such a way that we avoid  triggering  a defensive reaction in the other person. It also helps us become more aware of our own internal reactions, and  shows us how to rewire them if necessary. 

Safe Communication creates a safe space for people to talk openly and express their views without fear of judgement or criticism, in such an atmosphere, real connection and communion between people can be forged. This in turn builds stronger couples, stronger families, and stronger teams.



Online coaching for couples and individuals on the zoom platform

Tel Lynn 07944921130 


Email.solutionbraintraining@gmail.com







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