Make A Distinction Between Events In Reality And How Those Events Occur For You

What Determines How Events Affect Us?

 In general, our emotional reactions are influenced by the meaning that we attach to events in our lives.

We often don't have control over external events, , but we do have control over what meaning we are going to give to a certain event.

If we allow our subconscious mind to choose the meaning of things, it will leave us feeling negative and disempowered.

Our subconscious mind seeks to protect us, and automatically chooses the most negative meaning, this causes negative feelings such as feeling stuck, powerless, or angry.

When we choose the meaning of things consciously, we feel more empowered and positive.

 Choosing the meaning of things consciously helps us to dismantle unhelpful patterns such as feeling overwhelmed, stressed or anxious.

When we make a distinction between an event and how that event occurs for us, we can change how we feel about it.

Example

Jenny was walking down the street, she saw an old  friend  Susan further down the street and waved at her. Susan didn't wave back and then disappeared around the next corner. Jenny felt hurt, she was sure Susan had seen her..Jenny went home and brooded over it.

Eventually Jenny decided to call Susan, Susan didn't answer the phone..Jenny was convinced Susan was upset with her, though she had no idea why.

The next day Jenny was feeling irritated over the event the day before with Susan.."What is her problem!" she thought.

Jenny decided to try and call Susan  one last time, and had decided that if Susan didn't answer, she wouldn't bother again.

Jenny called Susan's number, Susan answered the phone, she sounded upset.

"Hi Susan, how are you?" asked Jenny.

"Not so good Jen, I had to have my dog put down yesterday at the vets on the high street, I was distraught when I came out of there"..

Susan realised that Jenny likley hadn't even seen her in the street the previous day.

Susan felt a wave of compassion for her friend. They had a nice conversation and arranged to meet up the following week.

The Event  Jenny sees Susan in the street, she waves at Susan, Susan doesn't wave back and turns the corner.

The Meaning  

Without realising it Jenny had given the event these three meanings...

"She has seen me and is choosing to ignore me!"

"She's upset with me!"

"She hates me!"

It is  these meanings that caused Jennys upset feelings not the event itself.

 

This is what we mean when we talk about making a distinction between the event and the meaning we assign to the event.

When we consciously choose what meaning to give an event, it changes how we feel about it.